“…the phenomenal ability of just the right person with the right knowledge and skills to appear at exactly the time they were needed was a daily miracle.”
Every day, families across our community rely on Mary Potter Hospice for this kind of care. But it can only continue because of people like you.
There was a family joke that the time to leave anywhere was when Mani declared it was time to go. When Mani decided he was ready to die, that held true.
He had faced increasing difficulty to keep his lungs functioning.
He had applied his engineering skills to build a door ramp “while I still can” and to attach his oxygen-generator machine to his walker.
But when getting out of his Lazyboy, and even eating, took more energy than he had left, then it was time.
The Kāpiti team at Mary Potter Hospice swung in to support.
I knew the hospice philosophy and practice from back in the early 2000s when I volunteered for Mary Potter and worked with Hospice NZ.
I had seen the role the Hospice played in the community and how much it meant to people.
Now I was experiencing it from the other end. This was foreign territory.
Mani and I had travelled a lot in our time together.
We spent New Zealand winters in Switzerland in a little chalet not far from Mani’s original family home. From that base we could travel far and wide.
“Mani and I had travelled a lot…But for this final journey, I needed a guide”
We got lost, drove the wrong way up one-way streets, had animated conversations with strangers in languages that neither party understood.
There’s nothing like the unexpected event when you’re travelling to throw a relationship into sharp focus!
React. Laugh. Re-plan. And most of all, trust that you are both looking out for each other.
But for this final journey, I needed a guide, and Mani needed help beyond what I could give him.
I knew how hospice worked, but the phenomenal ability of just the right person with the right knowledge and skills to appear at exactly the time they were needed was a daily miracle.
The Hospice team also worked with our GP’s practice nurse, the DHB and ACC to make sure we had what we needed to keep Mani safe and comfortable at home.
Send your gift today to help ensure the right person can be there at the moment they’re needed most. Help someone be there for the person they love. Help us be there. Donate here.
The last few days are a bit of a merciful blur, but the support of the Hospice team meant that I could try to balance my roles as partner and carer.
I could be there for Mani, reminding him of his adventures and achievements, his courage and creativity, and of the love of his family, while knowing that there was expert management of his medication to keep him as comfortable as he could be.
There’s no pretending it was easy, but it was a privilege to be able to go through that last journey together.
As I wrote in the note with his family’s donation to Mary Potter Hospice, between us we had managed to give Mani a good death, in his own time, in his own place and on his own terms.
He was able to die as he had lived and there can be nothing better than that.
Carolyn Lane
Every day, families across our community rely on Mary Potter Hospice for this kind of care. But it can only continue because of people like you.
Donate now